Tubba, Zen

These are the times that try Tubba's soul; times when Tubba must find his center. Much like Lincoln, I am tested. The iPad was announced today and much to my... utter disbelief it has no wall attachment. Tubba's five year plan hinged on being able to attach the iPad to any wall or flat surface, at a high level, and position myself upon it to then swoop down on prey. I suggested: iNest.

Maybe I got ahead of myself.... After all, I'm only 2' tall, thus the highest possible altitude I could position such a platform is 6" off the ground. I don't elevate my arms. Thus, much like Lincoln, I search for compromise, unicorns, and bitches to consume.

I long for purpose and for bacon. Mostly bacon. I called Stevie (Jobs), and told him I was going to consume him for insolence, but I used the safe word, which indicates how serious my threats are or are not. I been making threats since I was in kindergarten; he knows me.

I must use this time to reshape how I move forward...

Attest,

Tubba T. Crosby, Secretary of Naval Affairs
27 January, 1883