Pinochet & Konundrum

Besides liberty and freedom, what Tubba misses most from the second Bush administration is Star Wars.

Not the movies. I annexed 7.5 GB of Jeremy's iPhone to house permanent copies of both Star Wars films. Notice how I say both, as in two. Can't throw all strikes, George.

No; what I miss is the Star Wars program at which I was employed as Chief Scientific Officer until the Communists shut it down.

Our ambitious plan was to thwart Soviet missiles by intercepting them with lasers.

Think of how safe you'd feel, knowing that you are blanketed in an invisible shield that has faked more than one successful trial. Sadly, the program is no more, damn commies.

But not to fear; sleep soundly at night, my friends. Tubba has a new solution, propelled by thousands of years of evolution. Not even Darwin could shut me down. Maybe Ben Stein.

Think: elephants. Giant, African elephants that sense danger and use their powerful trunks to shield you from earthquakes, missiles, crackheads, anorexics fishing for compliments, and dam breaks.

We just need to produce one elephant per person. Then, we need to break them, teach them that we are the master class and they are here to serve us. Then, we need to build special housing for them, provide barely adequate schooling, and demonstrate a pipeline for high-achievers that promotes false hope but keep them tirelessly invested in the system.

Text me for your coupon. First 100 get a free 1-month subscription to DirecTV.

Kisses,

Tub

It's Comcastic!

Today, Tubba was researching stocks and trading t-bonds like Ellen hits on chicks, like white people hate on ebonics, or like Tubba offends delicate racial relationships.

Anyway, I came across this little piece of news: Comcast is rebranding its service pack to 'Xfinity'

This can only be a sign of pure intellectual and fiscal confidence, brought to you by doughy white people and part of a long history of low EQ individuals putting X in front of, or behind real words. For example: The X-Files, X-Ray, Xzibit (a.k.a. Alvin Nathaniel Joiner), XMas, X's and O's, Xbox, XM Radio, Malcolm X, X Factor, FX, Xstream, Xstreet, XGames, XFL Football League (now licensed in Japan), and Xtina just to name a few.

This decision by Comcast is Comtastic for Tubba. While their customer service reps are xplaining to confused customers that they aren't suddenly being billed for an Asian luxury car, or that their child/husband didn't purchase adult entertainment, I'll be hunting them like a lion stalks a sick baby gazelle. That is to say, in the tall grasses and at a low purr.

Tubba is supportive and thus has created a few new X-Words for the mix.

1.) Xraq: Because even that troubled new nation needs a rebranding effort

2.) Xocrat: Because after Scott Brown made sweet love to the Democrats Masshole they need a new platform

3.) Xpanda: Because I promised Mi-ling I would help him find a panda mate to soothe the throbing

4.) X-go-fuck-yourself, Comcast

Love,

T-Dub